It's nearly my birthday and I saw Mil leafing through the "Past Times" catalogue. What a compleat arsole. We have copies of "How to be a Smug Twat in Latin" coming out of our ears.
Mil laughed at me because he found out my grandad is named Whipple. He wanted to put it in his column. If only he spent as much time on my "column". He suggested we go down the pub but my poikilothermism was playing up and all I wanted to do was curl up on the sofa with a blanket and some beef Super Noodles, and maybe watch Evil Dead II. Mil shrugged and went off to play Snood in his study.